Feels Like Freedom

First of all, let me begin this post with a sort-of apology for my absence. The past few weeks exams and studying for these exams decided to swallow up all my time and sanity (stress...). Fortunately I have made it through my exam period to come out alive and ready for relaxation, because the end of my last exam on Friday meant the beginning of summer for me! I feel extremely excited and giddy with the thought of so much FREEDOM ahead of me. The inevitable boredom, loneliness because all my friends are out of town and going-back-to-school stress all haven't set in yet and right now I am certain that this summer is going to be THE BEST EVA.

Initially my plan was to come up with a post schedule for this blog during the summer, so I could be more active on here and fight my boredom with writing as much as possible. However, I decided not to do it. This is because this summer I want to do things differently. Every summer at the begin of my period of relative freedom, when I'm filled with start-of-summer-excitement, I always come up with a list of projects-to-do, books-to-read, movies-to-watch and experiences-to-have. I have never succeeded in completing any of these lists, because after two weeks of 'the most intense summer experience ever', I come down with a case of summer burn-out and stay inside while marathoning Gossip Girl for a week.

This summer this hopefully won't happen. Besides going to the US to attend a leadership/politics-program (I'm so excited and nervous. omg.), a trip with my family and the aspiration to finally get that summer job, I have nothing planned for this summer. No lists with to-do's or to-read's or to-see's. I can just do whatever I want. Off course I will read and watch movies and go out with friends, but this time it will just come down to what I feel like on a particuliar day. I'm not going to force myself to read Great American Literature or 'visit at least three musuems with a friend' if I don't want to. Because that is the thing with to-do lists, they are a lot easier to write down than to actually complete.

Maybe I'll be able to make the most of my freedom this way. By just doing what I want, reading what I want, watching what I want - simply living how I want - I might actually become a bit more capable of understanding what I want and like and what I want to spend  my time on when I have full control over it.

Maybe just one to-do: Go see TFIOS

A Blogpost in Four Acts

Some random Tumblr art, to add to the haphazardous-ness of this post 

*Warning: Very random and long post ahead* Everyday my summer vacation draws closer, but I'm still in that state where I know it's coming but its just not there yet. While I'm constantly occupied with Life, thoughts and inspiration come in short spontaneaous burts. Like weeds sprouting through a cracked pavement that consists mostly of exam papers. At the moment I just don't have the space to string all these instances together and find the recurring theme (if life ever has one, that is). Therefore I decided to employ my illustrious talent for list-making to create a somewhat readable account of thoughts and observations I've been having lately.

1. I want to posses all beauty, all at once
I've been experiencing moments of enormous happiness without reason lately. I think I might be falling in love with life. I just never realized happiness could be so addicting. The more I posses it, the more I want of it. In my brightest moments my mind will go on a trip to every beautiful thing in life. Ones I have experienced in the past and ones I wish to experience. The latter are especially strong. I want to posses all these instances, all at ones. I want to lose myself in a Cambridge library, enveloped by epic tales written in words from the past. At the same time I want to serenade a wasted youth, kissing a boy with a late summer-smile in a parking lot, illuminated by the multi-coloured lights of 7-Eleven. (I'm romanticizing, off course. That is what happiness does to someone.) I want to conquer the busy Parisian streets. I want to revisit my old summer home. I want to listen to The Clash, but sing along to Taylor Swift in the same instance. I want to live the stories on my reading list all at the same time. I want to make new friends and catch up with every one I lost contact with. I want to  rekindle old passions, while performing every act unknown to me. I want to experience all beauty and I want to have it be part of me. I want to be made of beauty. I want, I want, I want..... I want to live.

2. Sometimes meaning is overrated
I'm a constant narrator of my own life, searching for wrung-out metaphors and hidden truths in every moment  I divide my days in clearly defined acts as if they're part of a play. I do all this, because I'm continually searching for Meaning (with a capital M) in my every action. Recently, I watched 'Big Easy Express'. It's a documentary about the tour Mumford & Sons, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros and Old Crow Medicine Show took across the US in a train filled with music. Unlike many other movies about people doing something remotely artistic, very little is said in this film. No one tries to come up with some deeper truth behind their travels and music, except simple  enjoyment. I have been looking at my days a little more as if I'm on the Big Easy Express. I've found that a lot of moments don't need to have Meaning (with a capital M), to be good and make me feel all good inside. Not everything is part of a greater narrative, exploring some main theme. Sometimes things just are.

3. Misery is the new black
Feeling good has made me realize a lot of people I spend a lot of time with and believe to care about really enjoy the idea of feeling bad. They wear their negativity like a cool accessory. Expressing they hate this band, or that movie or these people makes them even more cool, or should I say 'edgy'. I have to admit I have taken part in this many times, but now I simply don't understand what the big deal is with hating things. It sure isn't a productive way of living. Perhaps it's because when we believe that having common interests helps to make friends, we are faced with two options: Finding people who like the same thing(s) as you or finding people who hate the same thin(s) you hate. Often it's easier to find someone who also doesn't like (or actually just doesn't care or doesn't know about them, but nods when you express your dislike) One Direction  instead of meeting someone who shares your love for Katy Perry/80s movies/thrift shopping/Rupert Grint/Lord of The rings. After all, the enemy of my enemy is a friend.

4. Life comes in waves
The first months of this year weren't the best times for me, I felt like things had gone very dark and didn't believe brighter days would come again. Yet, like the changing of the seasons, they did. All it took was waiting. Now that I'm living right in the middle of the good times, I still posses the knowledge that this happiness, like my sadness, is also fleeting. I'm usually very sceptical when it comes to Balance-YingYang-Inspirational Quote-stuff, but I do want to believe that life is like a scale held in balance by Good Stuff and Bad Stuff. I feel like they come in waves and the only thing I can do is ride the good ones and wait for the bad ones to ebb. The believe that I control the way life plays out is still very alive within me, but spending some time in the Bad Stuff-wave has made me realize that sometimes shit just happens  and all you can do is try to deal with it as far as your capability allows. Maybe this is all just Good Wave talk, but for now it works as a pretty solid philosophy. (Or at least, the best one I can come up with at the moment ;) )

Kudos to you if you go through this blogpost, I'm not really sure what it was meant to be either. What has been up in your life lately? Let me know!